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Lessons learned running with veterans

Deseret News (UT) - 7/6/2015

About a year and a half ago, I decided to join a veterans group.

I'm not a veteran, and in fact, I have never wanted to join the military.

But after a lifetime of writing about people who serve others in beautiful and creative ways, I decided I needed to find a way to do something more than highlight the good works of other people.

I had some ideas, some causes that had moved me all of my life. But then a friend began talking about all she was doing with a group called Team Red, White and Blue, and for some reason, helping veterans assimilate back into civilian life became an irresistible lure.

There are a lot of great organizations that serve veterans. But Team Red, White and Blue is unique in that civilians are as vital to the mission as the veterans. Their goal is to enrich the lives of veterans by helping them connect to the community through social, physical and service activities. What better way to assimilate back into civilian life than by spending time with civilians.

When I joined, my goal was simple - serve those who'd served our country.

Instead, those I sought to help have offered me much more than I will ever be able to give them.

I've written about aspects of my participation in Team RWB in past columns, but I decided to discuss just what I've learned in 18 months of hanging with veterans after reading an article lamenting the fact veterans struggle with unemployment at a much higher rate than the general population.

Frankly, I was shocked that companies might not want to hire veterans. I know there are types of people that some employers are reluctant to hire, but I honestly had no idea that veterans were a group any company would be wary of employing.

The article from Forbes.com quoted Department of Labor statistics that assert unemployment for veterans is more than 20 percent higher than the national average. And despite a discussion of some of the practical issues facing veterans as they try to find jobs in the civilian workplace, I'm still shocked - and disappointed - that any company might see military service as problematic.

The article did get me thinking, however, about the ways in which my membership in Team RWB has enriched my own life and just why that is.

I realized I've learned a lot from associating with veterans, and what better time to share some of those lessons than on this July 4th weekend.

Showing up is the best way to say thank you. I've often heard people tell soldiers or veterans, "Thank you for your service." It is a kind and appreciated recognition of the sacrifice these soldiers and their families make on behalf of the citizens of this country. But it does little to change the issues that face many veterans.

What does change the lives of veterans is friendship, networking, and exercise. By showing up for activities organized for our group, I offered my support to leadership and my friendship to other members. Very quickly, I realized that each person - even me - brought something special and important to the group. And when we show up for each other, we're expressing our gratitude in ways that uplifts us all.

Being on time isn't an accident. I have never been a punctual person. I've usually been able to get myself to work on time, but there are days when even that feels like a Herculean task. I do not like this particular aspect of my personality, and I've tried to rectify it.

I realize that it is incredibly inconsiderate, and I certainly try to treat people with respect and love in my life. I just couldn't seem to figure out how to get places on time until I started hanging out with the veterans in Team RWB.

It was their good-natured ribbing about being excused from the required punctuality (15 minutes early is simply on-time) because I'm a civilian that caused me to pay attention to why I was cutting it so close all the time.

It sounds silly, but I realized that a little planning actually saved me a lot of harried running around at the last minute. The more I planned with my Team RWB friends, the more I tried to be cognizant of why I was constantly running behind.

I have by no means solved this problem, but I am significantly better. I take great personal pleasure in being first - or not last - to events or activities. The unintended benefit of this is that I feel more organized and more respectful of those whom I am meeting.

No one has to suffer alone. I realized many years ago that suffering is made much more bearable with the love and support of others. But before joining Team RWB, I would also have told you that there are some things we each simply have to endure alone.

Sharing our stories as we spend time together has convinced me otherwise. There isn't any reason to try and deal with life's tragic twists and turns alone. You do not become stronger by suffering in silence. No good, in fact, comes from keeping it to yourself.

We become stronger when we share life's burdens. We all need help at different times, and sometimes you will help someone without even knowing. Other times, you will receive the help, even if you didn't ask for it.

A sense of humor is essential to surviving challenges. With the exception of ages 12-18, I've been blessed with a pretty good sense of humor. I appreciate the ability of others to both make jokes and take jokes, and my Team RWB friends seem especially blessed with this skill.

It comes in particularly handy when we're really suffering on a long run or an arduous hike. Nothing makes tough stuff seem insignificant like a little laughter.

In my 18 months, I've engaged in some of the toughest physical challenges of my adult life. And yet, I have never enjoyed myself more because of how my friends battle adversity with humor.

Spending time with veterans will educate you to the realities of military service. Seeing the impact of issues that I'd only read about changes the way you view the issues. There are physical, emotional and financial issues that most of us only read or hear about. Why do so many veterans struggle with depression after they leave the military? Why do veterans miss being in the military? How do they deal with the physical impact of injuries or illnesses suffered while serving?

When you hear their stories, you understand why it is so critical to keep the promises our leaders have made to veterans.

Friendship isn't just an accent to life. It is life's marrow. I've been blessed throughout my life with amazing, interesting, loyal, fun-loving friends. But often our friends are very similar to us. They share our backgrounds, our experiences and our interests.

The beauty of joining a group like Team RWB is that the moment you engage with other members, your world is bigger. Your life is enriched because they will teach you something - whether you were looking to learn or not.

And your association with them will change you. Their thoughts, experiences and beliefs may challenge you. They may cause you to think differently, to see something once hidden or to understand something you've never experienced.

Friendship might be the greatest gift I've received for my decision to join Team RWB. I was recently running with a group and one of my closest friends and I began a discussion of how the love and support of our friends has changed our lives. He and his family had been through a particularly challenging time, and one of our mutual friends had shown up unexpectedly with dinner for him and his family.

It didn't change the heartbreak they faced. It solved none of the worrisome problems. It simply fed his children on a night when he found it tough to even consider the mundane tasks life requires.

But he realized it was more than food. It was an act born of love meant to show him that whatever he faced, he wouldn't be alone.

"I knew I had friends," he told me. "But I didn't know I had friends."

I knew what he meant. We'd each joined Team RWB for different reasons. He was a veteran who'd struggled after serving, while I was a civilian who'd never considered the military an option. And now we are friends who've shared some life-altering experiences.

Which brings me to the final lesson I've learned from spending time with veterans. If you make an effort to be part of the team, they will never leave you behind. This is most often exhibited when we run as a team. I'd always seen running as a solitary endeavor until I joined Team RWB.

They live the African proverb, "If you want to go fast, go alone; if you want to go far, go together." And while I see it most often in the sports in which we engage, I know the philosphy extends into the rest of our lives.

Whatever comes, whatever I face, I know my teammates will be there for me. They'll offer me help; they'll offer advice. They might make me laugh or offer a shoulder on which to cry. They may have solutions or just a hot meal. But what these veterans I love have shown me day after day, challenge after challenge is that whatever compelled them to serve this country in the military still compels them to serve the communities in which they live. And for that, on this weekend in particular, I thank them for that desire to serve, both then and now.

EMAIL: adonaldson@deseretnews.com

Twitter: adonsports