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St. Cloud woman's insights from anorexia journey

St. Cloud Times (MN) - 7/5/2015

July 04--St. Cloud resident Kelly Doss sees anorexia as a slow form of suicide.

At one point more than 10 years ago, she was severely underweight and at risk of organ failure. Her mental impairment made it hard for her to function on a daily basis.

Doss was struggling with an eating disorder, one that she had for years, until it got to a point where she couldn't hide it or deny it any longer.

Now, Doss considers herself in recovery, at a healthy weight and leading a support group near St. Cloud State University for people with eating disorders.

"There are days that I feel lucky to be alive, because the eating disorder was so entrenched," she said.

She's also the executive director of Arc Kandiyohi County in Willmar. The nonprofit offers support and advocates for people with intellectual and other developmental disabilities, and for their families.

She's determined, looking for any way to help her stay on a good path. Doss has gone from not knowing how to stand up for herself to standing up vehemently for others who may not be able to advocate for themselves.

Her recovery journey can serve as an example for people, going through every day problems, falling down, brushing ourselves off and getting back up.

"I feel like recovery is a lifelong process," she said.

Bounce back.

It's like learning to take a punch and getting back up.

(She would know. She's recently started taking boxing lessons at a gym. For her, it represents fighting for herself. She hopes by her next birthday to participate in a fight.)

"It really takes a lot of time and takes a lot of hard work," she said. She advises baby steps.

Ask for help.

There's an element of trusting yourself and not being afraid to ask for help.

"It's important to find what works for you," she said. "It's all very individual."

For Doss, that meant speaking up for herself. It meant not being afraid to be noticed.

Identifying emotions is important too. Feelings aren't necessarily good or bad, she said, it's how you deal with them. For instance, you can channel anger to stand up for yourself or other people.

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Treat your whole self.

Doss is continually working on all aspects of herself, including her physical and mental health and spirituality.

For her physical health, that means eating right, exercising healthfully and maintaining a healthy weight.

"It takes awareness. Listen to your body," she said.

It also means taking 10 or 15 minutes every day to center herself and give herself some positive self talk.

Find your tribe.

Doss hosts a support group for people with eating disorders.

"It's a safe place where they can be honest," she said. "To be around people who relate. ... And it's helpful to me. ... It's an opportunity to take ownership of their recovery."

So find a group of women who can share your experiences, in person or online, because one exists. Trust me.

Give yourself (and others) a break.

Learn to be forgiving and learn to let go. Focusing on the negative or what you perceive as failure can keep you from getting up again. Reframe that negative into a positive.

For instance, Doss's adversity helps her in her job at a nonprofit.

"It helps me relate to other people in a genuine way," she said.

Reinforce.

Then there are the small things you can do to remind yourself of how far you've come. Doss has many.

"Every morning when my alarm goes off, there's a song I listen to," she said. It's Rachel Platten's "Fight Song" to pump herself up for the day. On her door, she posted a quote that said "Stand up for yourself."

And above her bed, she has quotes and advice from various therapists, including one that said:

"Deep within you is everything that is perfect, ready to radiate through you and into the world."

"It makes me cry sometimes, because I'm daring for this to be true," she said.

Visualize.

She wears her resilience on her skin. A tattoo of archangel Michael covers the scars she has from cutting as a teenager.

"I know I will never cut again with this tattoo on there," she said.

She's gotten the tattoos over the past five years, in places she can see them, so she can remind herself of what she needs to do.

Other tattoos list her favorite Bible verses, each with a special meaning to her. One reminds her to plan for the future and trust in God. Another is about the prodigal child, to remind her that no matter how many times she screws up, she can pick herself up again. The last two are about being nonjudgmental.

Another spells out "Conquer your demons" in Latin. Doss views her eating disorder as a demon.

Let it out.

Everybody has their stuff, she said, but some don't talk about it.

But Doss said telling is important.

"That's one of the reasons I share my story. I want others to feel OK talking about it," she said. "Truth really does set you free."

Her advice is deceivingly simple, and something that she knows takes a lifetime: Find out who you are and be that person.

"I don't ever want to forget what I went through. I want to separate myself from it, don't get me wrong, but it was one of those opportunities where you really get to take a look at yourself, really get to the core of yourself, really find out who you are."

Follow Stephanie Dickrell on Twitter @SctimesSteph, call her at 255-8749 or find more stories at www.sctimes.com/sdickrell.

About Kelly

Kelly Doss grew up in Alexandria. Her eating disorder became severe when she 19, a freshman in college, and continued through graduate school. She tried outpatient treatment, but it wasn't enough for her. About a semester before finishing her degree, her health was failing. She was at the stage of risk for multiple organ failure. Her mental impairment made it hard to function on a daily basis.

She took a medical leave to go to an inpatient facility in Arizona, where she worked on improving her physical health. Then she transferred to a facility in Santa Fe, New Mexico, to work on her mental and emotional health.

She returned to school, earned her master's degree in political science. She taught history in high school for a few years before returning to Minnesota. She is now the executive director of Arc Kandiyohi County, an advocacy organization for people with developmental disabilities.

She started an eating disorders support group in St. Cloud five years ago.

She's now been in recovery for 10 years and maintains a healthy weight.

What's making us happy this week

Kelly Doss recommends "Fight Song" by Rachel Platten. She listens to it every morning.

Here's the chorus:

This is my fight song

Take back my life song

Prove I'm alright song

My power's turned on

Starting right now I'll be strong

I'll play my fight song

And I don't really care if nobody else believes

Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me.

What is making you happy this week? Join the conversation at www.facebook.com/livegreatstc.

Tips to be greater

Do something every day that gives you a sense of accomplishment or purpose. It can be small, like calling your mom, sending a kind note to a friend on Facebook or spending a few extra minutes with a child.

Doing something for yourself counts, too! Take five minutes, in the morning or evening this week, to list what you're grateful for or your positive attributes, to keep your thinking positive.

Your wellness calendar

--Yoga in the Park, 6 p.m. registration, 6:30 p.m. program., July 14. at River's Edge Park in Waite Park, near the ice rink. Rain date: July 21. Free, but register at www.sctimes.com.

Walk in the Park. July 7, at Lake George. July 14 at Watab Park with Steve Hennes, Sartell City Council member. July 21, Riverside Park. July 28, Munsinger Gardens, Clemens Gardens with head gardener. Aug. 4 at Lake George. Aug. 11, Klinefelter Park. August 18, Centennial park. Aug. 25Beaver Island Trail park, Sept. 1, at Lake George. Sept. 8, Friedrich Park. Sept. 15 at Mayhew Creek Park in Sauk Rapids. Sept. 22 at Lake George. All from noon-12:30 p.m. Free.

--Better sleep. 5:30-7:30 p.m., August 11 at CentraCare Sleep Center. More details to come.

--Dealing with workplace bullies. September. Details to come.

--Panel on bullying. September. Details to come.

--Follow @SctimesLivingGreater for other engagement opportunities and online live chats with experts on health topics.

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